마크 트웨인의 자위에 관한 연설.

2010.09.08 14:54

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http://www.amazon.com/Masturbation-Some-Thoughts-Science-Onanism/dp/1438245327

마크 트웨인이 1879년 파리의 한 클럽에서 한 연설을 담은 책 On Masturbation: Some Thoughts On The Science Of Onanism 에 의하면.


호머, 일리아드 2권에서 열정적으로 "자위가 아니면 죽음을 달라" Homer, in the second book of the Iliad says with fine enthusiasm, "Give me masturbation or give me death"

시저는 (아마 그의 갈리아 전기)에서 말한다. " 자위는 외로운 사람에겐 동반자이고, 버림 받은 자에겐 친구이며, 노인과 발기불능자에겐 은인이다.
가난한 자도 이 장엄한 놀이와 함께라면 부자다. "

또 다른 곳에서 이 경험많은 관찰자는 이렇게 말했다 "자위가 아날스섹보다 좋았을때가 많았다"


Caesar, in his Commentaries, says, "To the lonely it is company; to the forsaken it is a friend; to the aged and to the impotent it is a benefactor. They that are penniless are yet rich, in that they still have this majestic diversion." In another place this experienced observer has said, "There are times when I prefer it to sodomy.


로빈슨 크루소는 "이 젠틀한 기술에 내가 얼마나 신세를 졌는지 표현할 수가 없다"고 말했고
퀸 엘리자베스는 "자위는 순결의 보호자이다" 라 말했다

Robinson Crusoe says, "I cannot describe what I owe to this gentle art." Queen Elizabeth said, "It is the bulwark of virginity."


줄루족의 영웅 Cetewayo는 "손으로 한번 딸치는건 덤불에서 두번하는 가치가 있다"라 말했다.

Cetewayo, the Zulu hero, remarked, "A jerk in the hand is worth two in the bush."




기타 미켈란젤로 아담스미스 개그는 귀찮아서 생략

궁금하신분은 아래참고하셈.




Michelangelo and all of the other old masters--"old masters," I will remark, is an abbreviation, a contraction --- have used similar language.  Michelangelo said to Pope Julius II, "Self-negation is noble, self-culture beneficent, self-possession is manly, but to the truly great and inspiring soul they are poor and tame compared with self-abuse."  Mr. Brown, here, in one of his latest and most graceful poems, refers to it in an eloquent line which is destined to live to the end of time--"None knows it but to love it; none name it but to praise."


Such are the utterances of the most illustrious of the masters of this renowned science, and apologists for it.  The name of those who decry it and oppose it is legion; they have made strong arguments and uttered bitter speeches against it --- but there is not room to repeat them here in much detail.  Brigham Young, an expert of incontestable authority, said, "As compared with the other thing, it is the difference between the lightning bug and the lightning."  Solomon said, "There is nothing to recommend it but its cheapness."  Galen said, "It is shameful to degrade to such bestial uses that grand limb, that formidable member, which we votaries of Science dub the Major Maxillary --- when they dub it at all --- which is seldom,  It would be better to amputate the os frontis than to put it to such use."


The great statistician Smith, in his report to Parliament, says, "In my opinion, more children have been wasted in this way than any other."  It cannot be denied that the high antiquity of this art entitles it to our respect; but at the same time, I think its harmfulness demands our condemnation.  Mr. Darwin was grieved to feel obliged to give up his theory that the monkey was the connecting link between man and the lower animals.  I think he was too hasty.  The monkey is the only animal, except man, that practices this science; hence, he is our brother; there is a bond of sympathy and relationship between us.  Give this ingenuous animal an audience of the proper kind and he will straightway put aside his other affairs and take a whet; and you will see by his contortions and his ecstatic expression that he takes an intelligent and human interest in his performance.


The signs of excessive indulgence in this destructive pastime are easily detectable.  They are these: a disposition to eat, to drink, to smoke, to meet together convivially, to laugh, to joke and tell indelicate stories--and mainly, a yearning to paint pictures.  The results of the habit are: loss of memory, loss of virility, loss of cheerfulness and loss of progeny


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